A Tinge of Cyan
By: Joan Fegalan
The fact of the matter is that life has to end. And we know that it has to, because all things have to end. They always do. And in most cases, we can’t do anything about it, except to just let it.
Zeke saw the sea below as just the finest hint of cyan, the sun splashing colors into the pool of what would’ve been the dullest shade of blue. And he wanted this moment to be special, too. Because he knew it would be his last.
He smiled.
At the brink of land—on the silent cliff just meters away from his and Judy’s cottage—the air felt cool on his bare skin. He felt it pushing against his body with such gentle strength, that he didn’t so much as fight it; he let it flow—through his hair, along his skin, into his lungs…. That was the best feeling in the world.
Judy watched her husband from inside the kitchen, staring outside the clear glass of the newly installed window. She knew that he wanted to be alone with himself, and she respected that. But there was deep hole in her heart where he used to be. She missed him.
“Mommy?” Anthony’s voice broke through the silence. “Where’s Daddy?”
She smiled. She tried to stifle the tears that had long built up in her. “Oh,” she said. “He’s outside. But he doesn’t want to be bothered.”
“How do you know?” the five-year old pried.
“Because,” she said, kneeling down to him, “he’s my husband. And a wife always knows his husband.” She winked at him. “A little something you could pick up.”
“Girls are gross!” he spat. “I think I’m gonna go exploring. Bye mom!” And he was off out the backdoor.
“Don’t go near the cliff!” she called.
She stood up and looked out the window, into the silhouette of her husband against the sun’s warm light.
Zeke clutched his chest. The pain was unbearable. But he swore he wouldn’t shed a single tear.
Images of Judy soon began to flood his thoughts—her gorgeous eyes wet with tears, her hair the color of hazel braided in the sun’s light, her hands…. He thought he could feel them in his.
“Oh, Judy,” he said through tears. “I can’t…”
The sight of her husband falling to his knees sent shock across Judy’s face. She was afraid he’d fall. But more than that, she was afraid he’d have given up.
And maybe he had.
She broke into a sprint as Zeke’s silhouette slowly vanished from the full circle of light the sun cast across her face. She ran and she ran, because she wasn’t letting go.
She’d reached the cliff, but he was nowhere to be found.
“Zeke! Zeke!” she called. “Zeke!”
She fell to her knees when there was no reply. Tears began to trickle down her cheeks. Her hands felt cold, even if the sun had just risen.
“Why, Zeke!” she screamed into cyan sky. “Why?” She punched the ground with her fragile knuckles, tried to tear out each blade of grass she could grab hold of. “Why!”
“Because I love you,” Zeke sang. “Because I really do. You and only you. No one else but you…” He broke into laughter.
Her mouth fell agape. “Zeke?”
She looked down the cliff, and there he was hanging by a rock. She tried to reach for him, but he’d only edged away from her.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked.
“I can’t…,” Zeke tried to say. “I can’t take seeing you like that!”
She reached out to him. “Don’t do this to us,” she said. “Don’t do this to Anthony.”
“I have to.”
“So you’re just going to give up? Is that it?” Judy retorted. “After putting me through all of that crap—chemo and hospital bills—you’re just going to give up on you, when your son and I are here to fight with you?”
“This is my battle.”
“This is our battle,” she corrected him. “I love you, Zeke. The moment I let you into my life, I accepted everything that was yours—all your problems, your follies—and even cancer.”
“I can’t bear to—”
She pulled his face to her. “I am your wife,” she said. “I love you. I married you knowing this was going to happen, knowing you were going to fight this with me.” She saw him turn away. “Look at me!” He did. “It’s just cancer, babe. I love you too much to let you go just because of a tumor.”
He smiled. “I can’t bear to see you hurt—”
“You’ll just have to, because I am hurt,” she said. “The thought of you giving up on yourself—that’s what hurts me the most. Don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on Anthony. Don’t give up on yourself.”
“I love you,” he said.
“HELP!” The voice was unmistakably his son’s.
“Anthony!” the both of them shouted. They surveyed the cliff—there he was at the other side, hanging almost as precariously as his father.
Judy stood to run after Anthony, but the rock Zeke was hanging on to was wobbly. But so was Anthony’s.
Zeke’s eyes lit up. “Go,” he said. “Save him.”
“I—”
“I love him too much to have to watch him die,” he said. “We have so many dreams for him…”
“I love you.”
“I’ll never give up on you.”
And Judy did as he’d said. She ran to her son.
“Mommy!” Anthony called.
The rock he was holding on to was more stable than she’d thought. She grabbed his hand and tried to pull it. But the winds grew strong and blew against her will and pushed her at the brink of death. She fell into the cliff—but she’d managed to grab hold of a branch sticking out.
“Mom!”
“Don’t worry, sweetie,” she said. “I’ve got you. Can you climb if I boost you up?”
“I’m too short…”
“You can do it!”
“I can’t—”
“Yes, you can,” she said. “Do it for your father.”
“Okay,” he said.
With the little strength Judy had, she pushed his son up the cliff. “Now, honey,” she said, trying to keep as calm as she could, “go get help!”
But the sight of Zeke’s hand was enough. She grabbed hold of it, and he pulled her up. She couldn’t believe her eyes as his husband trapped her in a tight embrace.
“But how?” she asked him.
“I told you,” he said. “I’ll never give up on you. Not anymore.”
She smiled, if only so the tinge of cyan would remain in the ocean below the cliff—to withstand the fall of dawn and night.